i guess i should stop calling my anxiety mere “awkwardness,” because people don’t actually know what awkward means from my perspective. they hear or read that word and think “cute-ish girl with glasses who pretends to be shy but can actually carry conversation and is not utterly insecure most of the time.” haha, well.
get drastic haircut
paint nails blue
man i just want to go back to that professor’s house with my cousin to lounge on the sofa talking about writing processes and listening to REM and eating dates and pinwheel cookies and popcorn and drinking raspberry tea and petting shy cats
i would like to say i think i would try to do good. especially if it was a kind of power that affected other people so much. i can just see everything going to shit if i tried any venge-type thing. re/a venging is not really in my nature, although sometimes (most times?), there is a deep anger. however, i know if i pursued all that happened in the past, i would get lost.
If u had power, do you think you would use it to avenge yourself or do good? asked by Anonymousme, when boy texts: hey this is great i'm smiling & cooking dinner &
me, waiting for reply: oh my god i'm so fucking tired of no one caring even though you're probably just having a life & this has nothing to do w uuuuugh
me, when boy texts back: oh yay. i'm cool, we're cool, i'm fine. i wasn't questioning my life choices or anything. heh.
“i listen to the same folk rock over and over. the winter holiday is a large thumb pressed to my achy cheekbone. i drink tea more & get a new hat because the color reminds me.”
i will never make pesto like my aunt does; it is too good. cold green. i love butter and bread too much. i like popcorn too, but it makes my throat almost sore with thirstiness. i like spending time in a stranger’s house, eating their dried dates, drinking their tea, grinding their coffee beans. everything warm and sweet - i like finding the secret chocolates because we can. i like waking up before everyone else because it is so quiet, and i can just breathe. sometimes i think life for me is just finding somewhere i can eat, alone. or with one friend.
